Last day in Cardiff

Its my last day today, actually got up at 6am, amazing, and drove to pick u boxes from Marie; I walked out the door, and I could smell the sea, and that early morning Cardiff smell which is like no where else, got in my van, switched the radio on, it was the music to the start of the Chris Moyles show, and I burst into tears, and cried all the way there.

Got back, still in the dark and checked emials, and did some dyeing (the only thing not packed is my gohonzon (buddhist scroll i chant to) and my dyes, lol), at 7am in the morning, lol, how bizarre.

Felt completely and utterly gutted that I was leaving, and felt like part of my heart was shredded into peices. Then Rabab and lynette came round, and we chanted and then for a last breakfast to my fav greasy spoon on splott road, and now I feel much better, and very very exicted.

Cardiff feels more like my home than where I grew up now, the first time I visited, I drove past the university, and I knew in my heart that is where I would be coming and something special was going to happen here. And even though I didn't have enough grades, I just knew it would be ok. I wrote the psychology dept a letter and told them how much I wanted to do the course, and I got in!!

I thought that perhaps the special feeling was about the psychology course, but it wasn't, and I also thought maybe it was about meeting Anth and getting married but it wasn't that either, I am pretty sure that the special thing that cardiff had to teach me was to be true to myself.

If it doesn't feel right, don't do it!! It took a very long time to learn it though, and it only in the last 2.5 years I have consistently listened to that feeling in my belly, and well, my life has never been quite the same since, lol, and now I suppose I have learnt that lesson, its time to leave. Because I really believe I deserve to have an amazing life, which is scary, because I am used to struggling, and not liking myself very much, and spent most of my 20's feeling completely inadequate, and here is how is changed..........

One day about 4 years ago, I came back from my honeymoon to find someone sharing my office with me. I wasn't sure what to think, because I wasn't expecting it, and there was this pretty spanish girl sat next to me, and I was rather intimidated.

It just so happened, that we connected in such an incredible way, that she became my best freind in the whole world, and I had someone to talk to everyday, and share how I was feeling for the first time in 8 years, and it changed everything.

I had someone to reflect with about everything in my life, it was like the universe knew exactly what I needed, and I just started to grow and blossom, weirdly because it was like looking in a mirror, we are so so similar, and I could see her changing at the same time as me, so it was like watching myself.

Sometimes I feel like I had to be in Cardiff to meet Carmen, and I know that that was the special thing that I felt when I drove down that road that day when I first came, and she helped me to be true to myself. Which meant I had the courage to start my own business, and to change things and relationships that had to change, and my god, my life turned upside down, and she was there with me all the way.

And now I am the cheeky confident person  I was always meant to be, and I am doing what I am good at, and although the past few years have been tough, because its a little bit like switching the engine off on a huge ship, you have to wait for it to stop moving forward before you can turn it around and its a slow process, and the last few years have been about turning my ship around, and having to battle against all the old causes I have made, but I feel like the front end is actually turning, and I am moving to a place where I am loved, cherished, and I am valued for all the cheekyness I can dish out, I am so so excited, and grateful to Carmen for helping me to make it happen, and to all my gorgeous buddhist freinds and Marie  and ofcourse there are more, but too many to name them all.

So there,  bit soppy I know, but feels like this is a bit of a momentous day, and I need to write something a bit philosophical to mark it.

is it wrong.....

1. to GIVE the entire contents of my life away because its easier than packing it?

2. to have more wool that possessions? really you think I am joking, I can fit 'my' stuff in the back of my van, the wool collection takes a long wheel base to move it.

3. to throw my plates into a box, because I can't be arsed to wrap them in newspaper.

4. To eat the pot noddle from the back of the cupboard which is from 1994 (this on is for cae ;) )

5. put all the paper work in a big box and leave it for the new paper work person to sort out, gosh that makes me feel guilty.

6. be in complete denial and go shopping or to the imperial cafe for more chips and tea?

7. stop using boxes and start using bin liners

LOOSING MY MIND? ME? nah!

Packing orders, yes, orders not house contents into boxes, orders.

House is blatently not packed, all I want is chips and a cup of tea, so might escape to greasy spoon on Splott road in the minute before I loose my tiny mind :-(

Oh and decided it was a stupid idea to launch my website this week, if it has any teething troubles, I have no broadband after wed, or phone line to sort anything out. So, I am will aim for next week, gotta say though, its looking damned cracking, it is totally totally gorgeous.

xxxxxx

Its friday, 5 days to go!!!

ok, ok, I was thinking that I am superwoman, and I can keep up with packing orders, move house all on my own, set up new website and dye for an update. But apparently I am not. So instead of stressing myself out like I always used to, I am going to be good, and prioritise.

 Mainly because I have orders that need sorting that are important. So, I will update later with some white yarn to go in the sale, but not really much dyed, although there might be some cashmere lace and bits and peices over the weekend, but lets be fair, there is at least 300 kilos of stock on there, another 5 aint gonna make too much difference for a week, lol.

Main thing I am concentrating on is the new website, thankfully the payment gateway thing is taking a few days, which means I can mess about with the shop, and get the hang of it, upload lots of new stock, ooooh! And you will be able to select the currency you wish to buy in, kroner, euro's dollars, etc, yippeeeee!!!

And even better NON VAT COUNTRIES WILL HAVE VAT TAKEN OFF their orders AUTOMATICALLY at the checkout. So if a hank of sock yarn is 11.75, EU, and USA customers, well anyone outside the UK, will get it for 10, (obviously you might get custom charges), but  very very excited about this, its really important :-)

ok so am so excited about the website, it really looks a million dollars, and it has a special function to help you look for yarns of your choice, but not telling you any more until it goes live, which will hopefully be next week, fingers crossed, lol.

pics will be displayed very very differently:

 

Have about 1/5th of house packed into boxes, starting to get slightly anxious now, as have alot of stuff, way too much stuff for a 3 bedroomed house, will be so glad to get to new house, AHEM, I mean chapel, ;-) not tellin you any more, will give you pics soon.

xxxxx

Being a grownup.

Its weird, I can't do normal jobs, and go to work  9 -5, infact, I have never ever had a job apart from working on the checkout at sainsbury's which required me to be on time (and that was at a particularly anal part of my existence.) I can't do times and things, and really I can't do numbers and organising, and such things, well I can, but it goes against my nature which is why sometimes my clubs cause me trauma, and why there is a vague date at which they will arrive, lol!!!

So I love to photograph, dye yarn, and fibres, and have fun, its similar to what I did everyday of my summer holidays when I was a child, and it doesn't feel like work.    

    But the reality of a business, is that you have to pack lots in to a small amount of time, and you have to do things on time, and crunch numbers, write invoices, collect orders, phone banks, do VAT returns, blah blah blah, and I HATE IT, but I hate it because I am scared of it, not because I can't do it, lol.

    So today was a grown up day, I packed a tonne of orders up, sorted out all my paperwork, filled in forms, aranged a huge international shipment, sorted out banks and transfers and such things, and generally all the things that scare me, and I have to be honest, its 5.08pm and I am well chuffed with my self. How weird the wonderful feeling of achievement when you do things which you find hard.

     I aint doing any more work tonight, infact I am going to have a glass of wine and go out for dinner to celebrate while I can still walk to a restaurant, where I will be going next week, there aint no restaurants, lol, and .....think there might be more yarn to go in sale, white and coloured, so tomorow is, dyeing in the morning and then alll afternoon I am working on the new website and putting new pics in, and categories and descriptions, how absolutely exciting!! Bet I get up at 7am, lol!!

xxxxx

Its monday Yipeeeeeeee!

Was up packcing orders  until 12 last night, (something I never resent having to do) mainly to give me a hope in hell's chance of being able to do everything, and go to a concert this evening (kanye West), and add all the things to new wesbite for launch, and pack boxes for move, and sort out wholesale orders which have sort of been piling up with out me noticing. Phew!!!

But am so excited, and have hair on second bleaching today, little bro came and gave me a suprise visit, which was wonderful, and he bleached my hair for me, but its not white white, so I decided to splurge a load on this morning, gulp, really should go and check it, lol.

So am hoping that next update will be on new site, but we have to get the payment providers all sorted out first, yipppppeeee. I am have so many new ideas and new products, including sock blanks which thankfully I have had made commercially, so I can supply them wholesale, let me know if you would be interested.

Ok, better go and wash out bleach
xxxx

Shop update

OK, Just about to start shop update,
its mostly fibres and sparkly yarns and cashmere,

WARNING!!!! The fibre is LUSH