Normally I wouldn't write stuff like this, however, I feel like its probably a subject which affects alot of people and I guess sometimes when people have the courage to talk about their circumstances, its helpful because you know you are not the only one.......
I have for a long time been battling with alot of debt, probably I guess about 7 years, 4 years ago breaking up with Anth plunged me into unknown depths of it, and I spent about 3 years simply surviving not to go under, so many times I thought that it would be easier to give up everything, the business, my house, and simply go under, but I never did, I always made sure somehow that things got paid, I even remember a week when I didn't even have a tenner to buy monkey cat food, so we had cupboard feasts, she loved that, haha!!! Most of my stress during the business more than working very hard has been that, making sure that it survived, that I survived, in a way I just kept my head down and kept on going, I am not one to give up ever, I hate quitting!! I never ever want to go back to those nights of not being able to sleep because I couldn't see a way out, the sickness in your stomach is the most horrible thing ever.
I had help from my best-est friend in the world, who simply kept me smiling when I was crying cause I felt like I wasn't gonna get out of it, and always promised me it would be ok and not to give up, he also was amazingly strict with me, he took no crap, he would sit me down time after time we would go through personal finances and tell me how it was, that's really hard to admit you are in a mess and that you need to change things, and that you can't simply hope that everything will be ok if you ignore it.
Last year I had a tough decision to make, I wanted to expand my business premises and at the same time, I didn't have the money to do it, so I decided to come and live with my mum and dad and rent somewhere to work, they have been amazing in supporting me, they never once offered me money simply loved me and looked after me. Initially I struggled so much with this choice, because I LOVE Cardiff and I love my house, and I am a proud person, but it was the best thing I ever did, I have lovely lodgers looking after my beloved house, and I have had an incredible time with my mum and dad, we have grown so close, and they are such wonderful people, I feel like I have made up for the 10 years I didn't see them that much.
Sometimes I get mad because I can't buy things, and every spare penny over pays loans and such things, and it has felt up until today as if I will never get there, but today is kind of special, I looked at all my loans, they are massively reduced and my determination is that by Christmas I will have my two large ones done and dusted......and that means I am nearly out of debt, not quite, but I will have overcome such a massive hurdle that I wanted to share the fact that I can actually see a huge light at the end of the tunnel, and that for anyone else that is out there who might have debts which sometimes make you feel as if there will be no end in sight, I just want to say, don't give up, you HAVE to be strict with yourself and remember that you don't actually need THINGS, sometimes its better to take that 20 quid and instead of buying a new lipstick, take it to the bank and over pay something, trust me it works, and by Christmas 2011 I am going to be completely debt free and I have vowed never ever to take out any loans or credit cards ever again, I shall always save up first.
Just sayin....;)
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